It was not her fault entirely, neither was it yours. Maybe it was all wired that way, but ruining the idea of ‘us’ that she had is all on you.
There was nothing to grieve about here because it was an almost-breakup of an almost-relationship, but what you guys had was magic. You knew it, she knew it and your friends had felt it. You waited long enough to succumb to this magic but alas! waving the magic wand for too long had her feeling drained.
When she poured out her heart to you and bared her soul, you claimed you were bad with expressing emotions. She still found her peace in the subtle hints that you gave. Hence she always found her way back to you with that first call after a huge fight because you never thought it was your liability if you are not wrong in your…
Soooo, I have been meaning to start this series but my perfectionist self wanted to take a longer route to getting it done. I clearly missed the essence of taking stock which is, taking a breather and just write out what comes to you. There are prompts you can use to help you get your thoughts together. Therefore, I took the afternoon to write them out and I actually enjoyed it. I got the prompts from Meet Me at Mikes, having gone through several blogs to get who actually started it.
Without further ado, this is my FIRST taking stock post:
Making: This template list of a “taking stock” series so that I can copy and paste it easily in future posts.
Cooking: Nothing really. The last thing I cooked was rice and spicy chicken and that was two weekends ago.
Drinking: More of good ol’ white tea and not enough water. 8 glasses? Such a task.
Reading: Articles and blogs about African hair. 5 years on and they still fascinate me, even when I repeat an article like 5 times.
Wanting: A breakthrough in my life. I’m just dissatisfied with what is going on in my life.
Pretending: That I am busy working. I think I have saturated my mind with Youtube. It’s just one of those days that I don’t want to do anything.
Looking: For a small business idea. Just something that can make me extra money. And just like the “law of attraction”, a close friend of mine told me she had an investment idea. I was really happy that the cosmic forces were finally listening to me. Turns out, it’s a well-crafted pyramid scheme. No bueno.
Playing: Just yesterday I got some new phone games which are meant to make my brain active. Let’s see how that will go.
Deciding: When I will cut my hair, if ever. I have had relaxers for 10 years now and one of my wishes was to be fully natural by 30. I didn’t think that time would come when I made that self-pact. Now, 30 is knocking on my door louder than ever before.
Considering: Continuation from point no. 9, I’m considering making a 30 by 30 bucket list. First on the list is making the list before I hit 30. Who has ideas I can borrow?
Wondering: What to get my twin nephews for their first birthday. I just want to get them everything! I’m so excited and it’s the only thing I have been looking forward to this whole month.
Watching: NCIS the original one. I had stopped watching it at season 5 but I craved it and consequently, binged on three seasons in two weeks. I can’t get enough of it.
Needing: A beach holiday and a long massage.
Smelling: My perfume Decadence by Marc Jacobs. Since the first quarter of the year is coming to an end, I’ll switch to another one. I’m hardly loyal to perfumes.
Wearing: Frumpy office wear. Sigh
Following: Kenyan election talk. It’s election year here and the scandals get funnier by the day.
Noticing: These days I’m getting irritated easily. Be it someone changing the temperature of the office air con, someone asking me to switch seats in a bus, finding someone using my office chair etc just small things that I would previously brush off.
Thinking: Of someone I shouldn’t be thinking of.
Admiring: My cousin Njeri for managing to raise such adorable sons given her situation. Yaay!
Giggling: At my colleagues’ snide remarks about anything and everything. We are facing a tough time at work but these guys make a bad situation feel less bad due to their dark humour.
Feeling: Nostalgic. I miss not having to do adult things.
Snacking: On tea biscuits and crisps/chips.
Coveting: Someone I know of recently acquired a house. It’s mortgage of course (I think) but still, I am so envious.
Trawling: I must find this mystery lady who has fallen into a trap of a very dangerous playboy. This f&%#$r has been parading her as his latest catch in some sick attempt at making his former girlfriend jealous. I swear he is a kid in an adult’s body. Social media FBI skills have now been activated after months of dormancy.
Questioning: Myself why he suddenly wants kids.
Cringing: At the memory of me throwing up just metres from a medical centre I was rushing to. I had been feeling weak the whole day and I highly suspect it was a samosa I ate that morning. When I got to the mall parking lot that houses the medical centre, I was met by the smell of food from different eateries. I tried holding it in but I shamelessly leaned towards a wall and threw my guts out. It was so embarrassing but had to be done 😀
Celebrating: That I stayed off Facebook for a month. I miss it though so I’ll activate it in a few days.
I got nominated for a Versatile Blogger Award by my sweet friend Ayushi of the blog Long Island Iced Tea, which you should check out. She has an amazing and bubbly perspective of life from her own corner of the world and really knows how to pen it. Plus I think she is my twin from another mother 😉
Here are the rules:
Thank the person who gave this award (and include a link to their blog.)
Share 7 things about yourself
Nominate 15 bloggers and let them know you nominated them
Seven random things about myself…hmmm:
I like white chocolate more than dark chocolate
Vanilla is my all time favourite scent and flavour, be it cakes, perfume, hair product, ice cream just brand it Vanilla, and I’m on it.
I don’t like cooking but I like watching cooking shows. 😛
I can’t tell the shape of my face. I just know it’s small.
I only wear makeup on special occasions. The rest of the time I’m as bare as they come.
I have approximately 30 series that I’m actively following, give or take 5. Give mostly. This is the part I tell myself I should go out more often. Oh wait, Homeland airs tonight. Another time then.
I use 5 different soaps every morning. I’m such a girl.
That was relatively easy. In no particular order, I would like to nominate the following bloggers for the award. This means you are all winners, yaay!
First of all, I just had to use another cat pic. I love them even though I don’t own one at the moment. I had one a few years back but she decided it was adventurous to go play outside. I looked for her everywhere. I figured she would get hungry and come back. Three long days later, on a very rainy night, I found her stiff, lifeless body in the back yard. It breaks my heart to this day.
Away from that, this list is not exhaustive. I might be indifferent to one thing today but tomorrow it will irk my guts. Also, the degree of annoyance may vary hence me not remembering all of them at a go. Pluuuuus, if I wait to have a complete list, I will wait forever. Here are some random ones that come to my head now:Read More »
I’m seated on my bed, no voluntary sound. The involuntary ones are message notifications from my Whatsapp, my old laptop heaving in its self-generating heat and what I suspect to be dust, and the adhan call from a nearby mosque. I wanted to use “Islam call” then Google was like, no girl. We learn something new every day huh. I’m overwhelmed, both physically and mentally. I have wanted to rant for the longest time but I just don’t have the words. Rather, coherent words. I have a lot of stuff on my mind and they keep coming at me at odd times of the day, in random sequence. Therefore, I have decided to just spew them one by one instead of waiting to have a collection.Read More »
It’s only a few hours til 2016 is gone forever. I know everyone has a feeling of “new year new things” and resolutions are flying everywhere. I have that feeling too so don’t worry, I’m not about to pretend and criticize you by saying I’m not about that life.
There was a time I was actually not about that life. I’d be like y’all are dumb making resolutions you know you can’t keep, like take that nonsense somewhere else. But in my head, I would be gleefully counting down hours to the new year. Most of the time, I wasn’t awake when everyone was counting down the seconds to midnight (I need to make a resolution about my relationship with sleep because Lord knows, it is a very unhealthy one). I would wake up in the middle of the night, check my phone for the date stamp and smile at the fresh new year. I would then start asking myself what I will do in that year then remember, no resolutions. Therefore, I was blocking any progression just so I would not be uncool. I am virtually bitch slapping my past self right about now.
I would like to reflect on things that I did this year and use that experience to make things better in 2017. Read More »
This month has literally whizzed past me. It’s like I blinked on the 1st and stared into today. I feel like I have not done what needed to be done before December. However, I am grateful that I got to see it and I am hopeful for every tomorrow if that makes sense at all. Anyway, here’s the little that has been happening:Read More »
I am in a career that I didn’t want – Accountancy aka Bean Counter. In fact, both my parents are trained in this field. My mom is the one who pushed me into it because that’s what she knows best. I hate it. I know most of you when you were kids, you would dream to be a lot of things based on what you observed at that time. For me, I wanted to be an author because I loved reading story books; an astronaut because who doesn’t want to be in a rocket ship looking at all those stars at around you?; to form a girl band with my then friends so that we get to tour around the world together just like what we saw on TV and teen magazines. I can’t sing for sh*t though, haha!; an agony aunt so that I would help all the girls who were having problems, for example, why did my best friend gossip about me to other people; a doctor, an engineer, a lawyer, the list is long. However, I never wanted to be an accountant.
It was not fascinating to me. All I saw was a tired mother who would sleep on the couch then later wake up to sign your homework and go straight to bed. She was grumpy all the time and used to beat me up at the slightest error, be it knocking over a glass or adding volume to the TV. I feared her. I swore never to want that job if it meant I would be that miserable in my whole adult life.
Where do you lie, the positive or the negative side?
Every day on social media you see a different picture of someone you know getting married, having the second kid, celebrating anniversaries of being together etc and all you look forward to is the new release of a Marvel movie that promises to be the best one yet (Doctor Strange I see you!). Your parents keep asking when you shall bring a person home for them to ‘see’. “You know you are getting older,” they say. “Purity, your high school classmate got married just the other day, you didn’t find anyone worthwhile at that wedding ceremony?” your mother adds. You look at them with bored eyes and shake your head. Anxiety kicks in.
In your mind, you remember how when you arrived at the said wedding reception, a flowery dress and a straw sun hat in tow, you quickly scanned the place to see any hottie you could target by the end of the day. There were a few potentials you spotted. You smiled to yourself knowing today is the day you will succeed in snapping up one. You go to the table where your former campus mates are seated and enjoy the nostalgic stories you all share. Ah, those carefree years. Young and dumb years.
Hey ya there! I have been described as a person who likes herself a tad bit too much. Some have said I have the qualities of a cat. Picture a cat, lying in his/her corner, purring away, grooming itself by licking, or playing with a rubber ball. I don’t do that, so why would they say that! LOL! Anyway, cats don’t care as much as dogs, the owner is a means to an end: survival. Away from me not being a cat, I know that as much as I value showing care and concern, I don’t do much of it as compared to others. Which leads me to the question, how much is enough?