It’s only a few hours til 2016 is gone forever. I know everyone has a feeling of “new year new things” and resolutions are flying everywhere. I have that feeling too so don’t worry, I’m not about to pretend and criticize you by saying I’m not about that life.
There was a time I was actually not about that life. I’d be like y’all are dumb making resolutions you know you can’t keep, like take that nonsense somewhere else. But in my head, I would be gleefully counting down hours to the new year. Most of the time, I wasn’t awake when everyone was counting down the seconds to midnight (I need to make a resolution about my relationship with sleep because Lord knows, it is a very unhealthy one). I would wake up in the middle of the night, check my phone for the date stamp and smile at the fresh new year. I would then start asking myself what I will do in that year then remember, no resolutions. Therefore, I was blocking any progression just so I would not be uncool. I am virtually bitch slapping my past self right about now.
I would like to reflect on things that I did this year and use that experience to make things better in 2017.
I am a very unpredictable person. I will be nice at some point and mean at others. My close friends and family got used to it and it shouldn’t be so. I’ve always known I’m mean but I lie to myself that I’m nice enough to give it to you as it is. I’ve grown a bit and now, I’m aware of the impact it has on someone, but that is after I have done it. Sometimes I could swallow my pride and apologize but most times… Therefore, I would like to be less of an asshole this year.
I have so many half-finished tasks. For one, I haven’t finished my post graduate degree, though this can be largely attributed to laziness, silly excuses, thinking time is on my side and fear. I should have been done with this thing like 2 years ago but I’m dragging it to God knows where. At least this year I moved a step albeit a small one. It is eating me alive. The rest of the tasks are finishable (is that a word). For instance, half-read books, de-cluttering my space etc literally, my thinking capacity ended there. Hmmm, task 1 – make a list of other tasks.
Someone just sent me a message, those motivational ones. I know he forwards to lots of people because he is a known motivational speaker and I was actually surprised that I’m still on his contact list since I only know him on a professional level. I don’t even think he remembers me. Well, everything happens for a reason. All the excerpts he sends have two things in common – it is never late to be what you might have been and not be afraid to let go of things that are holding you back from achieving a fulfilling life. Now I know that sounds cliche and you know why? Because it is the bittersweet truth. Therefore this new year, I’ll try that. I’ll start small and see what these cliche things have to offer.
For those who know me, I dress like I’m still in Y2K. Many have tried to make me see the light but I’m just stubborn in my ways. I dress for comfort. Even when I try and dress up, I feel like I’m too out there. I’m the fly on the wall type of person. I don’t use makeup on a daily. The only thing that I can go bold is my lips, and that’s once in a couple of months. My hair, well, I do take care of it, like obsessively, but styling it, it’s just always in a bun or when I want to feel swanky a ponytail will suffice. So, I’m that bare-faced, bootlegged trouser wearing, sock bun chic walking around town. I really need prayers and a fairy godmother.
I am skeptical of relationships. I’m currently in one and it’s an experience! One moment we are good the next he is trying my little ounce of patience. That’s a watered down description for my sake haha! It’s weird that people around me have been so unlucky in theirs over the years. This year alone, two of my relatives who had picture perfect unions have had painful and cruel break ups and I’m like is there ever a happy ending? However, my mom – who happens to be a single mother – told me not to deny myself relationships just because it didn’t work out for others. She said I just try it whatever the outcome so that bottom line is, I tried which is better than I wish I had tried.
Prayer has helped me a lot this year. I pray for the smallest things like hoping I do not find stand still traffic jam when I’m running super late, to more important things. Initially, I never used to pray because I felt I was such a sinner so why would He listen to me. Over time (and reading a number of articles here and there), I came to learn that He loves me when I’m an arse and when I’m nice. That I do not need to improve to earn His love. That I I am who I am even when I hide some aspects of my life from the world, I can’t hide from God. He will still love me and once I accept that and listen to Him, He will continue molding me into His image. That was a tear jerker for me because I had never looked at it that way. And I hardly tear up even when watching baby videos. 🙂
In summary, I hope to become a better person than I am now in 2017. That is:
- To hold back my tongue
- Accept people for who they are but if it bugs me, stay away from them
- Finish that damned degree
- Believe that I can progress even if I feel it’s too late
- Dress better and try to sprinkle some beauty dust on me once in a while
- Look for two ounces of patience
- Read more
- Pray a whole lot more
- Forgive and try to forget
- Throw or give away my relic clothes. I did most of that in 2016 but it’s still not enough
- Have a “Just do it” mentality. This fear mentality needs to die
- A whole lot of other meaningless stuff that I can’t post here
What’s in your cliche resolution list?
Have a Happy New and Fulfilling 2017! Lots of love from me.