Hey ya there! I have been described as a person who likes herself a tad bit too much. Some have said I have the qualities of a cat. Picture a cat, lying in his/her corner, purring away, grooming itself by licking, or playing with a rubber ball. I don’t do that, so why would they say that! LOL! Anyway, cats don’t care as much as dogs, the owner is a means to an end: survival. Away from me not being a cat, I know that as much as I value showing care and concern, I don’t do much of it as compared to others. Which leads me to the question, how much is enough?
A few days ago, my boyfriend woke up at around 2 or 3 am and went to the living room. I figured – in the 3 seconds I was awake – that he couldn’t sleep so he wanted to watch TV or something. I continued my sojourn in dreamland for a couple of hours. I remember I woke up chipper than usual. I am not a morning person so this is a plus. I read my prayer-book then went to the living room to ask him if I could get him something to eat. He asked, “is that the first thing you’re asking me?” I was taken aback so I thought he was just being moody. I asked the same question again and he barked out a no. I left and went to prepare myself for work. When he came to the bedroom I asked him what was wrong but all I got was “nothing”. I asked him that several times but the answer was the same. I wondered what I had done wrong, that morning, the previous night and nothing came to mind. I told myself if he is being petty, then two can play that game. Silent treatment from then on.
Fast forward to the evening, he told me that the reason all that happened was because he had difficulty breathing at night that’s why he lost sleep. He expected me, as a person who cares for him, to at least ask how he was feeling and what I would do to ease his ailment. In my head, I’m thinking, I didn’t even know you were sick. I tried defending myself but he was blunt – I never showed concern. In hindsight, I had seen two packs of medicine the day before but I guessed they were for a stomach bug he had a week prior to this incident. I never bothered to read the packs to know they were chest medicine. Also, he was coughing a bit but I guessed (I guess too much eh) it was because of the cold. He pointed out a few instances that he felt I could have done things differently. That he didn’t have to literally tell me to do things for him. Also, why would I become mad at him when I am the one who wronged him in the first place.
These are those fights you just let them be. I had a whole list of comebacks but they weren’t worth it. Bottom line is I should not only say that I care, I should show it too. Even if it is small, people still see it and appreciate that you are trying to be a better you. You should think from both his/her perspective and yours. What may be ‘meh’ issue to you might be a real deal to them.
So please, if your partner wakes up in the middle of the night, ask them if they are well. Three times should do it. Then you can ask about other things or better yet, go back to sleep! I’m still learning, what else should I do or look out for?
Have a caring and perceptive week ahead!